Instapendent

Heart attacks decline after smoking ban - Yahoo! News

In another eposide of studies for dummies, a correlation between tomato softness and pregnancy was observed in rural Georgia. The study found that following a 20% decline in the firmness of tomatos in Alexandria, GA last year that a whopping 25% increase in pregnancies resulted. Researchers are still puzzling over the precise relationship between the fruit and conception, but the numbers are clear.

Kinky Friedman for Governor 2006

If you have a vote, make it a Kinky one!

Strip shows have been commonly used to attract more mourners to funerals, as villagers believe a crowded send-off brings more honor to the deceased, Xinhua news agency said.

I don’t even know where to begin or end on this one. My grandfather was right. If you live long enough, you will eventually see everything.

A leading US Muslim group said it was disturbed by reports that US authorities were racially profiling passengers at New York’s Kennedy airport.

If this is true:

(a) It is about time. Why would you not racially profile? Anything that statistically increases your odds of preventing terrorism without increasing your costs or violating the constitution should be done. Now we can get into some serious arguments about whether any of these searches are constitutional, but that is another debate.

(b) Since when is Islam a race? Why the hell are muslims in an uproar? I think it would be pretty hard to profile a religion. Aren’t they sterotyping themselves by insinuating that all muslims are Arab? That is ignorant of the fact that most muslims are not Arabic.

I guess these were points that were too complex for this reporter to address in his in-depth article.

Death’s Mount from Heat Wave???

In Kentucky, an 18-month-old boy was found dead Wednesday inside a van. In Illinois, at least six heat-related deaths were confirmed in Cook County since Sunday, and police believe that another six deaths in Chicago Wednesday could be heat related. Four deaths were reported in Maryland, including three elderly victims who did not have air conditioning, officials said.

In Oklahoma, authorities said a 92-year-old man found near his car Tuesday died of heat-related causes. In Pennsylvania, a 74-year-old custodian was found dead in his bed. An autopsy indicated he died of acute heart disease aggravated by the heat, the coroner said.

This is why, when it comes to statistics, you can’t believe everything that you read or hear. If these are indicative of the deaths that the heat wave is “causing” I submit that the total should be zero.

If I am listing causes of death:

(1) Died of parental stupidity
(2) Died of age
(3) Died of McDonald’s OD

You’ll notice that heat wave was nowhere to be found. Stats don’t lie, or do they???

BTW. I am shocked that no mention of global warming was made in the entire article.

For some in Washington, commuting’s a slug-fest - Yahoo! News

Each workday, members of a unique breed of commuters known as “slugs” line up, sometimes at regular bus stops, sometimes at special areas. Chatting quietly, they wait for strangers to pick them up and drive them to the office, or home at the end of the day.

The name was so catchy that I couldn’t resist. An interesting lesson in free markets. Supply and demand working their magic, as they always do.

The 35-year-old woman was getting off “Mission: Space” when she fell about 8:30 p.m. Monday, Deputy Chief Bo Jones of the Reedy Creek Fire Department told the Orlando Sentinel.

In a related story, a 14 year old boy had a fantasy about Pamela Anderson, and a can of whip cream following the same ride on Mission: Space.

This is what the world of 24hr journalism has brought us — baseless stories about mundane human events that are given extraordinary coverage in an attempt to create news.

Serious journalist, if they still exist, should be doing everything in their power to squash this type of reporting before it marginalizes their entire profession.

Tiger Woods’ agent issued an apology Friday for the golf star calling himself a “spaz” after the Masters last week.

I’d like to know who the moron was that told Tiger that he needed to apologize for this comment! What in the hell are we coming to? Can we acknowledge that every sentence can offend someone and move on!

For the record, I’m not sorry if something I say in this blog offends you. Don’t read the freaking blog or go lock yourself in a bunker. Living in America means that you are going to be offended. If someone is attempting to offend that is another thing altogether, but if they make an innocent comment that offends then deal with it. Either way we need to get some thicker skin or check our freedoms at the door.

Serenity now!

WASHINGTON - President Bush declassified sensitive intelligence in 2003 and authorized its public disclosure to rebut Iraq war critics, but he did not specifically direct that Vice President Dick Cheney’s former chief of staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, be the one to disseminate the information, an attorney knowledgeable about the case said Saturday.

The press is all over this latest witch hunt. Bush should be ashamed of the fact that he declassified material in order to support his position, but characterizing this as some kind of approval to reveal Plame’s identity is ludicrous.

Well, it has been a long time in coming but the Instapendent is back! I had hosting issues galore which finally caused me to make a switch. I went from HostOncee to HostGator. What a big difference a few characters can make! HostGator is the best hosting company that I have ever worked with. They have fabulous support, tools and service. HostOnce? Don’t make my mistake. Bad service, support and tools. You have been warned.